Dear Jen, 

You know that I like to write and I have so many feelings I need to get out.  Wow, a blog in your memory, I bet your feeling special.  I’ve been on such an emotional roller coaster since Friday morning when I got the call. 

I can’t believe I’ll never see your smiling face again.  When I dropped you off the Airport as you headed off for a new adventure I wish I had hugged you a little bit harder.  It’s so crazy how fragile life can be and how unseen circumstances can change a life. What if the waitress had taken a little while longer to bring you your check, you had ordered something that took a little longer to cook, you didn’t have that cigarette outside that I know you did.  Then maybe that driver that hit you would have already driven down the street and your paths would not have crossed.  

I know that some people believe that we are all predestined to depart this earth at a certain time, I don’t know if I really believe that, there are just to many variables that have to come into play. 

I know that although we didn’t talk about it much you were a bit of a tortured soul that you tried to hide with a smile and a hearty laugh. But, I always knew…

I’m trying to find comfort in the fact that you don’t have to worry about anything anymore.  You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders any longer.  I know in time I will feel that way.

But, I’m not ready to say goodbye yet.  Can you call me?

I knew the day was coming close and I could feel my anxiety level rising.  I woke up feeling extremely warm and knew that I wasn’t having a hot flash, at least not this time.  Summer has arrived in Southern Nevada. 

I took a deep breath and headed into my closet.  And there they hung,  “my shorts,” taunting me from the rack.  “Would they fit, zip and still fit across my ass,”  I was truly nervous.  I saw the scale in the closet but didn’t dare climb on it, that could put me in a depression all day.  I slipped on a pair that were a little loose  on me last year.  I must have really over dried them before I put them away because honestly,  they did seem a little smaller.  I did that low dipping squat that all women “instinctively know” that stretches our pants a little bit in the hips and thighs.  The shorts now fit, thank God!  

There was a ray of sunlight  that hit my lower leg and I saw all the fur that had grown over the winter.  I gasped in horror, I mean I can’t go out of the house looking like a caveman.  This shit was so long I heard myself humming a Bob Marley tune and thought of spinning out some dreadlocks on my legs.  And the toe hair, where the he’ll did that come from, just kidding. 

I’m happy to report that it’s safe for me to leave the house again.  I hope all you ladies have an easy transition into the summer season.  Sometimes the “maintenance” is just too much, right?

We’ve got a free month with Net-flicks so I’ve been watching all the episodes of this show called “Ruby.” She’s a, “let’s say” extremely healthy size woman who is on a weight loss journey.  She weighed over 700 pounds and has lost over 300 pounds so far.  She is from Savannah, Georgia and “y’all” she’s just likable.  I laid on my couch last night and watched almost every episode on season two.  

“And y’all, my ass was almost as large as Ruby’s when I finally rolled off the couch”. 

It’s so strange how all of a sudden an image or thought will provoke me to start writing.  I’ve felt a bit blocked lately but I’m kinda feeling it today.  I’m sitting out on my front patio doing some schoolwork and enjoying the beautiful weather.  My cat is laying on the patio slabs completely covered in dirt and looking up at me, I know he is smiling.  I’m so happy about my new iPad that Dale bought for me last week.  I can sit outside and write as a soft breeze blows across my face, I’m in heaven…

The city put in all new grass turf a few weeks ago in the park that lines my street.  There is a huge 6 foot chainlink fence surrounding the fields to allow the grass to get established before any kids can play on it.  I was just watching two boys who were being “total boys” that thought they were being unobserved grab the fence and shake it to see if they could knock it down.  I think they must have sensed someone watching them as they turned and we made eye contact.  I felt like the crazy old lady ready to shake my ratty old slipper at them, “you boys get away from that fence this minute.”  Don’t worry I didn’t say that but my stern look did.  I kept an eye on them as they walked down the end of the street.

 Boys are just so mischievous and I was transported back in time to my childhood.   God, I love when that happens, its almost like a movie playing in my head.  I wonder, does this  this happen to everyone.   Sometimes I think I should write about growing up on 2 Sharp Street, “cause” it sure was fun.

One of the “characters” in my neighborhood was “Frankie Silver,” he was a year younger than me and lived two houses away.  He was always a “little rough” on the pets in my neighborhood and mainly wildlife in general.  I will not go into much detail on that, but once we saw him punch our cat, or was it kick it.  He was banned from our yard for a long time.  He would stare longingly through our chain link fence as all the kids played in our yard on warm summer days.   Looking back, we could have had a future serial killer on our hands and we didn’t even know it.  

Now, as I ponder on my own life and my struggles of figuring out what I want to do with this “so called life,” I think “Frank”, as we call him now was always on the right path even as kid.  He is now the animal ordinance guy who you call when the raccoons decide to make a home in your attic, he get’s “rid of them.” If you were to ask me what he does with them once they are captured I do not know or want to know.  But he’s lucky, he turned his childhood passion into a lucrative job, go figure!

I’m not even sure how this story went where it did.  I was remembering when Frankie shook the heavy metal tie down off the telephone pole on our street.  “Frankie you better stop it,” we said as we saw two wires hit each other and spark above our heads and slowly all the lights on our street went dark, including the houses.  “oh you’re in big trouble now, here comes Mr. Oppenheimer and he looks mad, RUN…”

My class assignment this week was to write five Haiku’s  – which is something I’ve never done.  Haiku’s are the traditional form of Japanese poetry and generally consist of 17 syllables – five in the first, seven in the second, and five in the third.  Haiku’s usually deal with subjects of the natural world.  I thought Alaska was so beautiful and  what better place to use as inspiration. 

I’m a gum chewer, yup, “major gum chewer.”  I’m kind of sneaky about it at work; I lock it in my jaw almost like a tobacco chewer.  I just like to know that like an old friend, its there if I need it.