I was just going to send out a mass email to the ladies telling them about a company I heard about that has really cute bathing suits, but then I thought I’ve got a few things to say about that particular subject.

Why is it that the bathing suits that are really comfortable, you know the ones that your ass cheeks are securely covered, your back fat isn’t showing through the wrinkles and half of your boobs aren’t hanging out of the top always seem to resemble the ones that our grandmothers wore. Who designs these things anyhow? That’s what I want to know. Don’t they know that the average woman is a size 14. We want something cool like the younger crowd but unfortunately we’ve got a little more flesh on our bones.

I find shopping for a bathing suit one of the most depressing things “ever”. I can be in a happy place, feeling cute and secure with myself but a few hours after the shopping trip begins I just want to crawl into a hole. First off, you’re always too pale, the lights are to bright in the dressing rooms and those mirrors make me look fat. What’s up with the trick mirrors anyhow, do they think we find that amusing. Well I for one don’t. Oh and then there’s always some teenie boppers modeling their suits, “this size 4 is way to big on me”, one is bound to say. I can feel myself feeling hatred for them, LOL.

I always need to get a bigger size to harness my large “breastesses”. I know that’s not a real word but it always makes me laugh. I urge you to add this to your vocabulary if you’re a well endowed girl, its just a funny word, use it, embrace it, enjoy it.

And why do all the plus sizes always have large floral patterns, enter Granny once again.

And then there are those little skirts that I know I always feel more secure in. Sorry ladies those make us look like Gramma’s too. And they always seem to make those skirts too short especially on the back side. There is always the chance that an ass cheek might make an appearance. That’s always something to look forward to, yeah right!

Well after much rambling the site with really cute swim suits is, “Trunketts.com. Instead of the skirts they have really cute swim trunks. I might get ones with leopard prints. MEOW!!!!!

Dale and I went to the movies yesterday and of course we had to “movie hop”. I was making him pose for pictures like I did with Mom when she was last in Las Vegas. “Act like your scared and think the movie cops are in the vicinity”, “no you don’t look scared enough” I said. Of course I was laughing so hard I nearly peed my pants, well okay so maybe I did.

After seeing two movies for the price of one Dale says lets go see Toy Store 3, so up the escalator we headed. “We can’t see Toy Story because you need those 3D glasses”, I said. So as I’m sitting on the bench trying to look like I belong there. “I am one with this bench”. Dale says, “If anyone that works here walks by do not make eye contact”. This is something that Dale usually has to tell me over and over because I’m just not good at capers. I’d be spilling the beans in five minutes. “He made me do it, I told him we shouldn’t, it was all his idea”. I am definitely not Bonnie to his Clyde.

So now I’m nearly shitting my pants as I look over and see Dale sticking his arm down the large barrel labeled “return 3D glasses here”. “Oh Jesus Christ I mutter under my breath”. His whole arm has disappeared and appears to be to be stuck as he’s trying to reach down to the bottom of the very large barrel trying to retrieve two pair of glasses. Much to my relief his arm did come out just as someone was heading in our direction. “Wow, that was close”, he says.

When I turned to Dale in the theatre and saw him in his big black 3D glasses I just had to laugh. This is my life and it is our own little sitcom. What can I say we are easily amused.

One final note before you all think we are really bad people. It seemed like almost everyone in that theatre that day was movie hopping, even the grannies.