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Had me some Tofurky!

Posted on November 28, 2010 by Sandy Collier Posted in Uncategorized .

Sorry I’ve been such a slacker with my blogging the last couple of weeks. I’ve been putting in more hours at work, our weather has cooled down, my house was dirty, I was tired, I had to go grocery shopping, my cat needed lots of hugs, my husband needed lots of hugs, I had to do the laundry and my cat needed more hugs, so that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Hey, I also wanted to say thanks to everyone who has been reading my blog and leaving a comment every now and then, (that really makes my day). I’m like a crazy person checking my blog all damn day to see if I have any new comments or followers, don’t laugh because you all know that you are the same. I only have one question; are we all becoming “obsessive compulsive?” Speaking of that, did anyone watch that reality show “OCD?” That was some funny shit. Did I just say that out-loud?, oops! Am I a bad person?


Alright so after all that rambling my subject matter of today’s post is “Tofurky.”


The head of my casino has turned into a major vegan. I don’t know, he saw someone he hadn’t seen in a long time who looked wonderful. This guy told him how his life had changed since he turned “vegan.” He watched a cd and the next day he was converted. So he makes up like 10,000 copies and handed them out to all his employees. Vegetables and I have a tense relationship, I just don’t like em. I’m offended by them, they smell bad, taste bad and give you gas. What’s to like about them? Those vegetables need to keep their distance from me. I’ll mess them up real bad.


We have a buffet style employee dining room at work. They have incorporated a vegetarian section that I’ve been warily checking out lately. Last week I tried a piece of tofu. It was shaped like a small white sponge with a weird shiny gloss like finish. This shit was so nasty. I don’t even know how to describe the consistency I felt while it sloshed around my mouth. It had absolutely no taste either.


So yesterday I decided to go back again to the veggie section and take another peek. They had a sign in front of this strange yellow/brown loaf that said “tofurky.” It was sliced like deli meat so I grabbed me some. I don’t know why but I feel like I have to write like a hillbilly right now. Is tofurky trailer trash food? Me’s not so sure, LOL. I also had me some zucchini lasagna.


I went back to my table and tried to cut my tofurky with my fork and butter knife. I guess we can’t be trusted with steak knives at work. I might run up into the casino and start stabbing some of the customers, cheap bastards that they are. Sorry did I say that outloud too, why do I keep doing that? This fake meat was so tough that I decided to just pick it up and eat it like a cookie. I hate to say it but that shit was good. I did get a few weird looks when I dipped it into my milk glass.

As a side note I’ve actually been incorporating more vegetables into my diet. Dale and I have been doing a lot of grilled vegetables. And I’m kind of digging them. See Mom, aren’t you proud of me? And I’m drinking more milk too.

14 Comments
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14 Responses

  1. ANichols.Too says
    November 28, 2010 at 5:10 am

    cute and funny blog, as usual. always wondered what tofurkey tasted like…maybe if i ever come across it i’ll give it a try now that i know it’s edible!

  2. caterpillar says
    November 28, 2010 at 6:56 am

    hehehehe….you need to eat your vegetables, Sandy… I promise myself to have more veggies…but then end up breaking the promise immediately after…

  3. Anonymous says
    November 28, 2010 at 11:56 am

    Well Sandy i have to tell you this i have been eating tofu for years and it is not that bad if u spice it up i actually eat it plain also as a natural source of protein or how ever you spell it when you cone home in a few weeks i will fix it for you the way i eat it and hands down i know you will love it and i will also make you A peperoni bread of your own not to share with Wendy & Cindy lol love ya and see ya in a few weeks love Shelley

  4. Diane says
    November 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    I laughed out loud when I read of your “tense relationship” with veggies..I eat my veggies raw (except peas and corn) ..Also, for some reason with age comes OCD..anyone who dares to mess with my towels (corners perfectly lined up) is subject to extensive scolding. Can’t help it…haha..thanks for making me laugh!

  5. Jaime says
    November 28, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    This one made me laugh out loud!! Tofu reminds me of mushrooms, yucky taste and gross consistency. A couple of years ago I bought a new set of pans – to appreciate this you have to know I don’t cook at all, but I bought these pans from a guy at the BIG E who made a whole dinner in 20 minutes, including steamed vegetables. So for 6 months I steamed every vegetable you can imagine. I lost a little weight but found myself at the doctors with a little problem, you got it –gas!!! So I turned the pans over to the real cook in the family started eating real food, put on a few pounds, but don’t worry about clearing out a room anymore!!!

  6. Trisha says
    November 28, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    Hey hillbilly, me thinks your take on veggies is right on. I try to keep them in the fridge but every 2 weeks it’s like throwing money in the trash. Rotten stinky veggies that no one ate,but I buy anyway just in case a kid may want to put some in their lunch. I try to sneak them in once and a while with some ranch dip , but they always return home warm and soft.
    We do a family fav, asparagus on the grill, sprinkled with Parmesan cheese and garlic and splashed with olive oil, yum. Try it! And my kids love Grandpa’s green beans, they are cooked till all the vitamins are out and bacon is the seasoning…ugh! I give up! Multivitamins will have to take over for me.
    Trisha

  7. William says
    November 28, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    Hmmm, love that you are eating more vegetables and less meat. I’m too old to change now. I go to Wendy’s and have an extra patty on my double burger.

    Made me smile again lady.

  8. Betty C says
    November 28, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Am enjoying your blogs very much. I think it’s great that you’re trying more veggies also. It’s all in how you fix them. Some need a major remake and some are best eaten raw. Keep up the good work. Your blogs are great!

  9. Thisisme says
    November 28, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    Funny blog!! Enjoyed reading it and, yes, I DO keep checking to see if I have any more comments, so I guess we ARE all becoming obsessive compulsives!

  10. Sandy says
    November 28, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Wow, how very exciting to turn on my computer and see all these comments – Yeah! Put’s a smile on my face when I’m usually kind of “grumpy” when I wake up 🙂 – Thanks everyone… And Shelley I can’t wait for my pepperoni bread that I will not be sharing with my sisters when I come home for Christmas.

  11. Mom says
    November 28, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Just having a leftover turkey dinner on this lazy sunday afternoon,IT IS SO GOOD.
    While eating I was reading your Blog, that is one horrible sounding meal “Tofurky” although you did make a funny story out of it. So happy to here your trying more veggies, their filling and so good. Can’t wait for the next 25 days to go by, looking forward to my baby home for the holidays.

  12. Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life says
    November 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    LOL – not sure I could do the tofu in anything. That did not look terribly appetizing. But, I do like veggie lasagna. I like a lot of vegetables, but there are also a lot that I won’t touch.

  13. Roma says
    November 29, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    Just wanted to pop by and i say i really adore your blog. The layout, and natural and humorous style you write with is so refreshing.
    You have me laughing, before i even know what’s funny! Loving the excuses for lack of posts, stick to it, we all believe you :)! Honestly though, lovely blog-looking forward to the next post!

    p.s. I’m pretty new to this whole blogging thing and was wondering if you possibly had a spare minute to look at my blog? Love or detest it- any comment from a blogging pro like you would be really appreciated! Thank you.

  14. Bettie Lou says
    December 8, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Sandy you are way braver that me. I wouldn’t even touch that tofu. Your description was exactly what I thought it would be and I don’t like unknown stuff in my mouth. The tofurkey sounds like something from Mars. NOPE, not this lady, no way ever. But I love veggies so there is hope for me and I even have Paul eating them, major accomplishment! Have a great time in Christmas in Ct and hope it’s white for you. Love your blogs, never stop!!!!
    Love ABL

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