I thought about my Dad as I was passing by the slot machines at the grocery store tonight. I know he never minded stopping at the store with my Mom when they were in Vegas because of this one “special feature” we had. That man couldn’t walk by a slot machine without trying his luck. So I took a twenty dollar bill out of my pocket and decided to try my luck, thinking maybe Heaven could spare him for a few minutes and he was sitting beside me. I played for awhile, had my ups and downs and in the end I walked out of the Grocery Store twenty dollars lighter. What can I say except, “I am my fathers daughteR!” He would have been 80 years old this Tuesday – R.I.P Dad…
It seems so crazy how fast life seems to fly by as you get older. I saw a headline in the local paper this week that said, “City of Las Vegas caters to residents 50 years and older!” My first thought was Jesus H. Christ, that’s me! How the hell did that happen? How is a young girl like me even in this category. There must be a mistake! Someone stole my identity! Didn’t I just get my braces off, start my period and get my first pair of Levi’s. I put on my glasses this morning and they had become bifocals. There are all kinds of prescription bottles on the bathroom counters, Hemorrhoid cream in the medicine cabinet and Activia yogurt in the fridge. What the hell is a probiotic anyway? What is going on around here?
Oh I jest, honestly, I don’t mind getting older, well at least at fifty-one this is how I feel. I don’t really envy young people because I look at them and think, “if I had to work another 50 – 60 years I’d kill myself!” I like the skin I’ve grown into, it might be a little flabby, maybe in need of a shave, a few grey hairs are creeping in, I might pee my pants if I laugh too hard, but, it’s all good. It’s comfortable, it’s me and it’s my “home sweet home”.
What are some things you’ve learned along your journey? Come on, it’s fun to share. Don’t they say “wisdom comes with age”?
At my age I better have some words of wisdom or what’s the point. My favorite is if you always look for a solution instead of being stuck in the problem you will never have a problem and believe me, it works!!!
I love your blogs and you.
This is a heads-up to those friends who haven’t experienced it yet,
and an explanation to those friends and family who have.
Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys
were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney
story was an urban legend, this one is not. It’s happening every day.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It
was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with
someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked
oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had
been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine?
I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and
angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer
Energy pantyhose.
Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt
was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to
match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches
lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier.
Now, my rear complemented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed
that long skirts would stay in fashion.
It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched.
One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but
fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the
motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was
being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.
Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up,
unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked
repeatedly and without warning.
In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?
My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled.
That’s why I decided to tell my story. I can’t take on the medical
profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the
coffee. That really isn’t plastic that those surgeons are using.
You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don’t you?
The next time you suspect someone has had a face “lifted”, look
again. Was it lifted from you?
I think I finally found my thighs .. and I hope that Cindy Crawford
paid a really good price for them!
This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every
night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS.
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my
breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of
bed I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my
armpits as I slept.
Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
Lori, that’s pretty funny. I saw online that it’s definitely been shared by lots of women.
Claire, you are on of the most upbeat, young at heart gals I know. Maybe I’ll have to interview you one day
Sandy I enjoyed your thoughts on ageing. Look at it the way I do, if you can get up and out the door you are in good shape. I am so thrilled to live the 75 years that I have and still feel pretty dam good. God has listened to my prayers. All though I never in my wildest dreams thought my kids would get this old. Hope you all have the good life I am having.