I’m a gum chewer, yup, “major gum chewer.” I’m kind of sneaky about it at work; I lock it in my jaw almost like a tobacco chewer. I just like to know that like an old friend, its there if I need it.
As I’m leaving today and walking down the hallway I find a small piece stuck against my teeth that I didn’t know was there and I accidently swallow it. I wasn’t quite ready for this and began to choke a bit and totally loose control of my bladder. I don’t even have time to think about a “keigel.” Then I follow up with spitting “uncontrollably” my gum into my hand.
I proceed to open my hand expecting to see a remnant of my blue spearmint gum but no it’s a big old “loogie,” Jesus Christ, now I have wet under wear and gooey saliva in my hand. Welcome to my world…
I know my mother will read this and think, “Did this kid grow up in a barn”.
What can say, I find humor in the things we all go through but just don’t talk about.
My blog should be called “What we think, but do not say.”
You have to hit bottom before you figure out you need help. Now that you are ready for change, at least your undies, Gum Chewers Anon 1-800-PEE-PEED…
We’re there for you Sandy.
Gross…yet funny…you got to laugh at stuff like this. If I didn’t laugh at most the stuff in my life I’d have to be put away for sure! Keep it coming!
I agree, totally gross, but SO funny! (By the way, I’m an avid gum chewer too. Always have been).
Just sat down with my lunch and got excited that there was a new blog to read while I ate.
I laughed so hard almost peed my pants. Had to put my lunch on hold
for half an hour. The picture would not leave my brain.
If that had ever happened to me I would not have told the world.
WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE BARN YOU WERE BORN IN? WAS IT CALLED “TELL ALL” your just to funny.
Love Ya, Mom
omg – you almost made me wet myself!
Dear Readers, I woke up with what I like to call “writers remorse.”
I was going to delete the post, but I’d already sent out a group email.
Incontinence just makes me laugh and yes my undies are dry today – so far, but I’m not making any promises.
very funny, laughed out loud and so relatable especially the wetting the pants part and you have only just begun.
I think blogs should be, “say what you want, and leave the rest…to the imagination of the reader.”
Sure, why not?
Like your point of view!
Here’s two words for you: Bladder Tuck.
I had a wonderful surgery, a jig dancing hand clapping surgery a few years back. A hysterectomy. And when the doc was in there, without me even knowing it, he just secured that bladder all nice and tight. I could choke. I could probably pass out from choking and still not wet myself. It’s a good thing.
And as for your iPad/laptop question. My hubs is the lover of all things Mac. If he could marry Steve Jobs, he probably would. So we have everything the minute it comes out.
I have an Ipad and a laptop. My hubs has an ipad and a laptop. He prefers his ipad. I prefer my laptop. All for different reasons.
He uses his iPad constantly for regular purposes. It’s not really as functional for business. Printing something from an iPad is possible, it’s just tricky, with apps and certain printers required. The photo apps are incredible for iPad and the ease of an iPad is astounding. Its compact size is fantastic. I travel a lot and in most airports I’m not even required to take it out of the briefcase when it’s run through the machine. All great pluses. And of course, there’s the fact that it’s wireless, huge plus. I also love the reader on there. My mom has a kindle and the iPad reader blows the Kindle away.
I prefer my laptop because I’m a writer and most of my work is done on Microsoft Word. iPad does not support Word. Now, they do have other really great writing tools, but I need my Word since I need to stay compatible with the rest of the writing world and most of the writing world uses Word. Also too, iPad, when I bought mine, was not compatible with Blogger. I could visit and comment on other Blogger’s sites, but I could not write a post in my blog due to compatibility issues. They did have an app which supposedly allowed you to write posts, but reviews were spotty on how well it worked. Things might have changed since then, because I know this was quite a sticking point for people, so you might want to check into it.
For me, my 13 inch Macbook Pro which is just a little larger than the iPad is the one I use the most. Sorry to be so long winded. If you have any other questions, you know where to find me.
I was laughing so hard reading this. Been there, done that. Maybe take up Mentos? Love ya
Sandy, you never fail me! Another great laugh that I desperately needed! I Can just picture you, by the way where exactly in the Wynn when this happened were you? Btw Tiger Woods just got fined $200.00 for spitting a lugie on the golf course during a tournament, so I guess you did the right thing and just peed your pants and caught the thing. I have two words for you “POISE PADS” they will become your best friend. God, I love your sense of humor, keep it up!!!!
Love Aunt Bettie Lou