Five minus two equals?

I was listening to Rosie O’Donnell in the car on the way home from work. All right so maybe it was after my friend and I went to happy hour, either way I was listening to Rosie, don’t hassle me about the “minor details”.

She was talking about when she first started doing standup and kind of put her foot in her mouth. She was trying to make a joke about a guy and his crutches, but when the guy stood up he was missing a leg. Not so funny then. This made me think of a funny incident that happened to me when I was about 19 or 20 years old. I’m sure my mother and also my biggest “blog fan” is reading this and laughing or will be soon when she recollects this amusing “predicament” I found myself in. One in a long string, I’m afraid.

I was going out on a date with a gentleman, lets say for shits and giggles his name was Berbie Benzil. I laugh as I write this because my family will know who this is; just substitute the B’s for H’s.

He picked me up at the house, met the folks and we proceeded to go out on our date.

The next morning at breakfast, my father, never being one to mince his words says, “Was that guy missing fingers”. Annoyed I said, “What the hell are you talking about Dad”. “When I shook his hand it felt like he was missing fingers”. At this point I had to walk out of the room.

Fast forward, it’s the next night or at least I hope it is or I’m really “stupid”. Don’t answer that! So, we are sitting in a booth at a local bar, he has his arm across the back of the booth.

All right, get ready, here it comes. I say in a sort of disgusted voice, “you wouldn’t believe what my father said to me this morning”. He looks at me with a questioning look as I continue to speak. “He said he thought you were missing fingers when he shook your hand”. I’m kind of laughing now at what my stupid father said, what an idiot I think.

You know where this story is going. The guy holds up his arm and of course he’s missing two fingers, how could he not be, right? Talk about “open mouth, insert foot”. God, I wanted to die on the spot.

I recall the next morning telling my folks over breakfast. They were like, “Oh no you didn’t”. Needless to say, we laughed our heads off. And before you wonder how could I have not noticed this affliction. He would always keep his hand in his front pocket with a few fingers sticking out. How was I to know it was all his fingers!

Writing this makes me think of so many other funny “predicaments” I’ve gotten myself into.

Do you want more?